Hope

Only Hope

There’s a song that’s inside of my soul
It’s the one that I’ve tried to write over and over again
I’m awake in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over and over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
and pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now you’re my only hope

Sing to me the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you’re my only hope

I give You my destiny
I’m giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I’m giving it back

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you’re my only hope

by : Mandy Moore

by : Mandy Moore

Song of Hope

I ran from the water

And I walked down the road
No sense in escaping
Your loving voice in my head

I know You hear me
I know that You’re there
My hope will surround me
For I know that You care

For I know that You care (2x)

The silence is haunting
Down the road in my head
My heart has been longing
So won’t You find me instead

by : GMB

Mukjizatmu Tetap Ada

Kuyakin akan firmanMu Tuhan
KuasaMu tak pernah berubah
Selama matahari masih bersinar
Kutahu mujizatMu tetap ada

Kupegang teguh janjiMu Tuhan
Meski tak ada alasan tuh berharap
Selama bumi ini masih berputar
Kutahu mujizatMu tetap ada

Yesus…. Yesus kupercaya
Mujizat masih ada ditempat ini
Kudisembuhkan kudipulihkan
Yesus kupercaya

Di Penghujung Januari

Gw udah lama pengen banget nulis, cuman apa daya gw harus mendahulukan prioritas, maka hasrat menulis gw ditunda dulu. Udah banyak di notes gw tentang judul blog yang pengen gw buat, bahkan report gw tentang liburan di Jogja kemaren aja belom kelar. Kalau kelamaan ga nulis sesuatu itu bikin gw ngerasa kaya, apa ya, yah semacem pengen boker tapi ditunda-tunda terus karena ga ada waktu buat boker. Yang ada jadinya kesel sendiri, marah-marah sendiri. I really need time to do my hobby! Sekarang akhirnya ada waktu juga buat nulis. Saking pengennya nulis, gw jadi bingung mau nulis tentang apa dulu.

Di tengah siklus rutinitas yang membosankan, untuk pertama kalinya di tahun ini, hari kemarin gw sampe di puncak kebosanan. Saking bosennya, gw sampe mau nangis. Gw jarang banget ngerasa frustasi ngadepin kebosenan, tapi itulah yang terjadi kemarin. Kemarin gw harus nyelesein kerjaan project database seabrek-abrek, yang dimana deadlinenya adalah tadi pagi. Gw ga suka sama format database yang sekarang, ribet banget! Kenapa sih ga pake format database yang sama kaya project sebelumnya? Kenapa sih data satu sumur tuh bisa banyak banget isinya? Kenapa sih deadlinenya harus besok? Dan kenapa kenapa kenapa yang lainnya.

Ngeluh memang ga bakalan pernah nyelesein masalah, banyak ruginya daripada untungnya. Akhirnya gw berhenti sejenak buat menenangkan diri dan ga mikirin kerjaan.

“Kalo lu ngendelin kekuatan sendiri ya memang ga bakalan kelar semua kerjaan ini, Rin,”

Bener juga.

Selanjutnya gw berdoa minta supaya Tuhan kasih gw rasa semangat, minta supaya gw menikmati pekerjaan ini. Hufft.

Tadi pagi pekerjaan gw akhirnya beres total, meskipun ngumpulinnya di menit-menit terakhir. Menurut gw, itu adalah suatu kejaiban yang luar biasa! Terimakasih sudah memampukan aku, Tuhan! 🙂

Hari yang baru. selalu membawa harapan baru. Seperti hari ini, sinar matahari yang cerah dan langit yang biru mengiringi gw ketika gw pergi ke kantor, membuat gw lupa kalo kemaren begadang mati-matian sampe mata kantongan demi nyelesein database. Tuhan membuat gw kembali tersenyum ketika gw ngambil hasil TOEFL. Seneng rasanya bisa ngobrol tentang kehidupan sama Bu Diman, orang tua penjaga rumah kantor. Gw bersyukur bisa ketawa sama temen2 di kantor pas jam makan siang tadi. Hari ini rasanya gw pengen terus-terusan tersenyum untuk setiap hal.

Gw tiba-tiba inget sama momen tiga tahun lalu. Saat itu gw mengalami salah satu hari terberat dalam hidup ketika gw jadi panitia diksar himpunan di Bandung Selatan. Pikiran lagi galau, harus long march lebih dari 15 jam di tengah hujan lebat, menggigil kedinginan sampe nafas beruap dan kulit mati rasa, sakit badan, kelaparan, ketakutan, harus tegar meskipun lagi tertekan dan panik, perngen nangis, gatau mau ngeluh sama siapa, hanya bisa berdoa.

Ketika pagi menjelang, gw ga pernah lupa sama matahari pagi yang menyinari Danau Situ Patenggang. Sahabat laki-laki terbaik gw, Novian, tiba-tiba muncul di hadapan gw. Betapa gw senang dan terharunya saat itu (hampir aja gw meluk dia!), dia lagi sakit tapi bela-belain untuk datang. Gw ga pernah sebegitunya merindukan pagi setelah malam yang seburuk itu.

Tiba-tiba gw bersenandung lagu persekutuan yang udah lama gw kenal :

“Kasih Allah tak berkesudahan, s’lalu baru setiap pagi
Rahmatnya pun tak pernah berakhir, seumur hidupku
Dengan sukacita ku ‘kan menari, dengan sorak sorai memuji
Kunaikkan pujian Haleluya, Puji Bagi Dia Sang Raja”

Tuhan, terimakasih untuk hari ini, hari yang baru di penghujung Januari. Terimakasih untuk Kasih-Mu yang baru setiap pagi. Aku percaya, sekelam apapun jalan yang ditempuh, pasti ada jalan keluarnya asalkan Engkau menggenggam tanganku. Seperti pagi yang membawa harapan setelah malam hari.

Amin.

Mazmur 130, Seruan Dalam Kesusahan

Nyanyian ziarah.

Dari jurang yang dalam aku berseru kepada-Mu, ya TUHAN!
Tuhan, dengarkanlah suaraku! Biarlah telinga-Mu menaruh perhatian kepada suara permohonanku
Jika Engkau, ya TUHAN, mengingat-ingat kesalahan-kesalahan, Tuhan, siapakah yang dapat tahan?
Tetapi pada-Mu ada pengampunan, supaya Engkau ditakuti orang.
Aku menanti-nantikan TUHAN, jiwaku menanti-nanti, dan aku mengharapkan firman-Nya.
Jiwaku mengharapkan Tuhan lebih dari pada pengawal mengharapkan pagi, lebih dari pada pengawal mengharapkan pagi.
Berharaplah kepada TUHAN, hai Israel! Sebab pada TUHAN ada kasih setia, dan Ia banyak kali mengadakan pembebasan.
Dialah yang akan membebaskan Israel dari segala kesalahannya.

Feel The Pain While Praying, Until It’s Gone

Ada yang pernah mengalami depresi? Jujur aja akhir-akhir ini gw merasa demikian. Saking depresinya, gw mulai kena psikosomatris. Gw kena maag dan sering migrain. Kalo lu ga yakin pernah ngerasain depresi, coba baca artikel ini  http://www.hipwee.com/inspirasi/apa-yang-sebenarnya-akan-kamu-rasakan-ketika-menderita-tralalalalala/. Meskipun sebenernya artikel itu ga berdasar, tapi secara kasar gambaran depresi adalah seperti itu.

Semua orang pasti setuju bahwa penyebab suatu depresi adalah suatu masalah yang tidak atau belum terselesaikan. Atau karena ada suatu hal di dalam hati yang tidak diceritakan ke orang lain. Gw pribadi, penyebab ke dua adalah penyumbang terbesar akan depresi yang gw alami. Gw memilih untuk tidak menceritakannya ke siapa2, ke nyokap gw pun gw ga cerita semuanya. Tapi gw bersyukur, kehadiran nyokap bokap gw meringankan beban gw, bahkan hanya dengan duduk dan tiduran di samping mereka.

Berat rasanya memendam sesuatu sendirian. Dua tahun terakhir ini adalah tahun terberat dalam hidup gw dengan berbagai macam masalah yang ada. Masalah2 itu kebanyakan tentang masa depan. Mau lari gabisa, tapi masalahnya ga selesai2. Dua tahun terakhir ini gw suka banget sama tidur, untuk pelarian gw juga. Lama kelamaan hati gw jadi merasa ga menentu sama sekali dan cukup berdampak buruk sama kinerja gw. Biasanya gw lega hanya dengan menangis. Berita buruknya,gw udah gabisa nangis lagi. Dan gw lelah. Semacem pengen bersin tapi gajadi2.

Mungkin karena luka2 gw nyatanya selama ini nyatanya hanya sembuh sementara.

Gw sangat bersyukur sama Tuhan karena gw punya banyak temen yang kocak. Dan gw dasarnya suka tertawa juga. Tertawa sungguh adalah candu buat gw. Efeknya besar buat gw untuk ga mengingat2 masalah yang gw hadapi. Biasanya setelah tertawa sepuas2nya,gw jadi ga sedih lag dan gajadi curhat apa2. Tapi nampaknya gw mulai sadar,bahwa pengurang rasa sakit bukan berarti menyembuhkan penyakitnya. It’s just temporary effect. Tomorrow you will feel that pain again.

Dua hari yang lalu adalah puncak dari frustasi gw. Gw pengen tidur tapi gabisa. Mau makan mual banget. Ngalihin pikiran ke nonton, ga ada mood. Gw ga masuk gawe karna kepala gw pusing banget. Saking gw pengen nangis, gw berdoa, minta sama Tuhan supaya gw bisa nangis.

Saat itulah gw sadar. Gw lupa mengandalkan Tuhan. Besok paginya gw saat teduh, khusyuk sekali. Gw tumpahin apa yang gw rasain sama Tuhan Yesus. Gw udah lama ga kaya gitu. Mungkin Tuhan juga menanti-nanti supaya gw curhat sama Dia, sejujur-jujurnya. Di dalam doa itu gw minta petunjuk sama Tuhan. Gw minta Tuhan menunjukkan maksud-Nya akan segala sesuatu yang terjadi di hidup gw, karena gw ga ngerti. Atau mungkin gw mengerti, tapi gw ga mau mengerti dan ga yakin. 

Setelah itu gw baca alkitab. Ayat saat teduh saat itu dari Amsal 22 : 1

“Nama baik lebih berharga dari pada kekayaan besar, dikasihi orang lebih baik dari pada perak dan emas.”

Saat itu juga gw bersyukur akan jawaban Tuhan dari ayat tersebut. Gw harus bersyukur kalau begitu banyak orang yang mengasihi gw.

Setelah itu gw siap-siap buat berangkat ke tempat les. Dan entah kenapa tiba-tiba di tengah pelajaran, Mr.John-guru bahasa Inggris gw-mengundang seorang bule yang lewat untuk masuk ke kelas kami. Katanya untuk melatih pendengaran gw dan Andre (temen les gw) akan aksen British, sekalian berlatih berbicara dengan pronounciation yang benar. Namanya Mr. Peter, berumur 68 tahun. Dan entah kenapa pembicaraan mulai berbelok ke arah rohani. 

“Be careful about three M. Or three T. Master – Maid – Mission. (Tuhan – Teman Hidup – Tugas)”

“Remember a verse from Rome, that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.,”

Gw yakin dan percaya bahwa Tuhan sendiri yang mendatangkan orang ini langsung, untuk berbicara tentang kehendak-Nya di hadapan gw. 

Setelah itu kami berempat berdoa, Mr. John memimpin doa dalam Bahasa Inggris. Rasanya tenang sekali. Gw hampir-hampir menangis. 

Tuhan terlalu baik. 

Setelah itu gw pergi ke kantor dengan perasaan yang bersemangat, meskipun belum pulih seutuhnya. Sambil bekerja, seperti biasa gw browsing Youtube untuk mendengarkan lagu. Gw menemukan tiga lagu yang sangat mengena di hati gw. Rasanya gw ingin memuji Tuhan karena hati gw berlimpah dengan syukur. Berikut ketiga lirik lagu yang sangat meberkati gw melalui lirik dan nadanya :

Cornerstone

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus blood and righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly trust in Jesus name

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus blood and righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly trust in Jesus name

Christ alone; cornerstone
Weak made strong; in the Saviour’s love
Through the storm, He is Lord
Lord of all

When Darkness seems to hide His face
I rest on His unchanging grace
In every high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil
My anchor holds within the veil

Christ alone; cornerstone
Weak made strong; in the Saviour’s love
Through the storm, He is Lord
Lord of all
He is Lord
Lord of all

Christ alone
Christ alone; cornerstone
Weak made strong; in the Saviour’s love
Through the storm, He is Lord
Lord of all

Christ alone; cornerstone
Weak made strong; in the Saviour’s love
Through the storm, He is Lord
Lord of all

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found;
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless stand before the throne.

by : Hillsong Live

From The Inside Out

A thousand times I’ve failed
Still your mercy remains
Should I stumble again
Still I’m caught in your grace
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart, in my soul
I give you control
Consume me from the inside out
Let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring you praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

by Hillsong United

Your Love Never Fails

Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails

I know I still make mistakes
But You have new mercies for me everyday
Your love never fails

You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There maybe pain in the night but joy comes in the morning

And when the oceans rage
I don’t have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me

Your love never fails

The wind is strong and the water’s deep
But I’m not alone in these open seas
Cause Your love never fails

The chasm is far too wide
I never thought I’d reach the other side
But Your love never fails

You make, all things, work together for my good.

by : Jesus Culture

Sekalian curhat, gw ingin berbagi dengan kalian yang mungkin saat ini merasa depresi juga. Jangan khawatir, Tuhan Yesus mengasihimu dan selamanya selalu setia untuk kita. Gantungkanlah harapanmu kepada Dia, Sang Batu Penjuru, berhentilah mengandalkan diri sendiri dan hal-hal duniawi. Dan jangan lupa bersyukur untuk orang-orang yang saat ini mengasihimu, karena hal itu lebih berharga dari emas dan perak.

“jika kita bertekun, kitapun akan ikut memerintah dengan Dia; jika kita menyangkal Dia, Diapun akan menyangkal kita; jika kita tidak setia, Dia tetap setia, karena Dia tidak dapat menyangkal diri-Nya.” (2 Timotius 2 : 12-13)

If you cannot do anything to face some kinds of giants that makes you feel afraid, wary, angry, depressed, etc; you should be praying. Feel the pain while you do that, until it’s gone. God always listening. He always understanding. Only him can make you feel free.

IMG_1105

Jesus bless you. Jesus loves you. 

“Sangkaku: hilang lenyaplah kemasyhuranku dan harapanku kepada TUHAN. “Ingatlah akan sengsaraku dan pengembaraanku, akan ipuh dan racun itu”. Jiwaku selalu teringat akan hal itu dan tertekan dalam diriku. Tetapi hal-hal inilah yang kuperhatikan, oleh sebab itu aku akan berharap: Tak berkesudahan kasih setia TUHAN, tak habis-habisnya rahmat-Nya, selalu baru tiap pagi; besar kesetiaan-Mu! “TUHAN adalah bagianku,” kata jiwaku, oleh sebab itu aku berharap kepada-Nya. TUHAN adalah baik bagi orang yang berharap kepada-Nya, bagi jiwa yang mencari Dia,” (Ratapan 3 : 18 – 25)

5 Years Ago and Now

Weekend. Saturday. Relaxing. Writing time.

As usual, I feel so frisky after 10 pm, on Saturday night, dating with my laptop. I sleep all day long today, feel very exhausted like I ever was. I don’t have even a bit energy to prepare my clothes for going to the church tomorrow. Thanks God for my lovely mother, who always willing to help me to do that stuff. I am such a spoil girl altough now I’m 23!

Everything in my life so far so good. I haven’t been living in my boarding house anymore. I love my boarding house despite of the fact it makes me sick. Yes, literally it makes me sick. I have everything I need there, but, yah, you know, live in there will makes you very lonely. Even all my friends in my boarding are very kind, but no one as similar as my mother for me to confide. I’d got stomach-ache in the beginning of this month and I had to bed rest about 2-3 days. I refused to eat since one month ago before that—well, I lost my appetite—and it brought me to severe illness. My friends always remind me to eat, but I didn’t listen. Besides that, I was too busy with my own priority then I unawared it leads to stressful. Finally, my parents insisted to took me back home in order to keep my diet. They are not only heals my body, but also my soul. So, I’m here now, I’ve never been better. I’m 23 and I still need my parents indeed.

What am I going to write? (Thinking while writing as usual….)

Hmmm…suddenly I remember about my foreign friend, Gary Gibbons. I knew him from bestfriend of mine, Mia, in my 1st year at the college. He added me as friend trough Facebook. He is from Canada. He is—or was—working as plumber (It is quite prestigious job in there, I’d just know that). He was got married (I heard he had divorced last year and then he made a relationship with a girl from Phillipines) I always envy with him because he often travel abroad! What a friendly man he was, he sent me messages when we become Facebook-friend. The message format was like a letter. So, that was my first time writing an informal letter in English.

Let’s check the message that I writed was like :

September 14, 2009

Hello Gary! (your name remind me of spongbob’s pets, Mia and me love that cartoons!),

Mmmm. I’m understand of what you said, but my english problem make me difficult to reply your message. Do you know? I’m reply this almost 1 hour, my right hand on the keyboard, my left hand hold my dictionary, hahaha. I hope you won’t laugh if you read my message. Correct me if my words is wrong.

I’ve seen your pictures, your videos, mmmm, I think you’re a Indonesia-holic! Or maybe, you know Indonesia more than me?haha. Gary, my country is more beautiful than you know, more than you think. Indonesia isn’t only Bali and Java, sooo many fantastic culture ini here!!! Different city in Indonesia is different culture if you wanna know!

I know I’m lucky living in here, so many volcanos, so many cave, so many rivers, so many forest, but I don’t have money a lot to make a travelling to visit all beutiful place in my country . Actually, that’s my dream. Maybe someday we can do it together, Gary? (with your wife, sure!). Now I’m studying at Bandung Technology University, at Geology Engineering, to make my dream come true. Wish me luck, Gary, I study hard to get cumlaude predicate from my campus!AMEN.

Now I’ll tell you about me. I’m 18, single, live in Bandung,West Java(one of beautiful city in Indonesia!). I have parents, I’m love them very much, both of them still alive. I have one lovely brother, now he works as accountant in Jakarta, (I miss him so much!!). I don’t have niece and nephew yet. For fun I’m usually like to jogging around my campus or hang out with all my friend, reading a novel, writing, watching a movie, hiking,etc. I like comedy-romantic and action movie. For music, i like alternative song, do you know Linkin Park?I love them!Avril Lavigne too, she’s so cool. I love ALL indonesian food and I hate junk food.

Mia is my very best friend. For me, i recognize her as my sibling. I’ve known Mia almost 4 year. I meet her when we’re study at the same high school. We and our friend are always together about 3 years in there. Now we are to be separated, ’cause we each other study at the different university. It’s so sad, now it’s so hard for me to find friends like them… 😦
That’s all about me and my country Gary. What do you want to know again?Or you want to learn Bahasa?

It’s so fun to know you, and I hope we always keep in touch in facebook. Tell me if you someday visit Indonesia or other place and tell me what you get. Believe me, there’s no country like Indonesia.

God bless us,
Arin

In fact, I didn’t get cumlaude-predicate as I hoped like in the message. But I could graduate faster than student usual, close enough then, haha (I don’t mean to be arrogant anyway, I just try to observe myself thoroughly, which there is only have a few things to proud).

My life seems doesnt’t change a lot since 5 years ago. I love my family much. My hobby and my taste in movie and music still the same too. And I don’t find friend better than my SHS-friend.
And so my dream . I really want to be a traveller. I love Indonesia and I really want to go around in someday. I don’t know why I still keep it on my mind until today. Maybe God want me to explore Indonesia thoroughly. My pleasure, Lord, I will do it perfectly. But it is all about time. All I have to do is patient and prepare it very well.

Sorry I don’t write anything interesting, I can’t keep on writing. Now is 1:39 and I have to get up early. Me and my mom will spend our time together from church, tomorrow will be fun.

Bye-bye!

ina

(I Can’t Seem) To Make You Mine

In the silence of the garden
Moss arizing on the wind
And the beast is pondering love love love
‘Till the rusty nail grow dim

I can’t seem to make you mine
Through the long and lonely night
And I try so hard, darling
But the crowd pulled you away
Through the rhythm and the rain
And the ivy coiled around my hand

So I lingered with the people
In the silent August glade
But the rain has brought the night
And the night has brought the rain

I can’t seem to make you mine
Through the long and lonely night
And I try so hard, darling
But the crowd pulled you away
Through the rhythm and the rain
And the ivy coiled around my hand

by : The Clientele

Dear you,

Thank you for every single thing you did to me, I remember it clearly
I really enjoyed our time together in the past time
It feels like I had more than a bestfriend, someone who i could be relied
Not a single word about our feeling, but we tasted it
As fresh as grass-smell after rain, as sweet as the sunset light
As gloomy as dusk, as cheerful as rainbow,
We once was really in high

But I knew, you knew, that we would never be together
Sometimes I tried to bargain with God, hope that he could change His destiny ahead
I wanted everything was keep flowing like that
I had a bad dreaam one night, you left me and never come back
Now I believe it is a sign from God, to prepared my heart whether someday I will lose you

I knew, we knew we will never be the one, so we often spent our time in talk and laugh
Because it was the last thing we could do

So, here we are in His destiny
He used time to make it real
Universe kept us not to meet anymore
It was hurt indeed, It was so hard to deny that I miss you badly
Days goes by, and I use to live without you
Is the feeling there?
Only God knows where it is.

I decide not to meet you again
I better keep you in my mind with our beautiful memory
All the best thing I can do is praying
I hope you can go get your deepest dream and meet someone better than me
Wishing you all the most best ever

See you, until God and Universe conspires us to meet

A tiny part of your past,
Kristyarin Dwi Anggritya

unduhan